Wow. Did you even hear something from one of your parents that really kind of shocked you? Something you think they never even noticed? My Mom is forever harping on me to go out and meet new people or make some friends (and I’m getting there, honest!) And last night I mentioned going to [New York] City on our vacation next month when we all go up for my cousin’s wedding. She said “Well, we have so many people to see and so many people want to see your sister and [brother-in-law] and we may not have the time.” She saw my face, walked over and said “You really got the short end of the stick all the way around. I’m sorry, Jame.” Needless to say I was sort of shocked.

I grew up in Jersey but at the young tween age I was moved (against my will, really) to Florida. By my senior year I was finally starting to accept things and enjoy life. I had a few friends - and then my sister moved down that year and moved across the coast (to where I am now). My parents decided that they wanted to move closer to her and started looking for a house over here. I was doing everything to see if I could afford to live by myself. A hundred-fifty dollars a week wasn’t going to cut it and so I had to uproot myself yet again and move with them and I lost all of those friends (I talk to some of them still - and while they all get to hang out I had to start over…again). So while my sister has these friends that go back from the time she was five - I have friends that maybe go back to the time I was fourteen if I’m lucky. To have one of my parents acknowlegde that they didn’t consider me when we moved really kind of made my anger-level on that aspect get better (at least a little bit). It’s because of those things in my life I decided a long time ago that once I had children I would do everything in my power to keep them in the same school and area their entire lives. While sometimes it can be enriching to move around and learn about different cultures, I think that as a child the stability of knowing where you’re home is, where you fit in is more beneficial than being cultural-savvy.

So, I went to the Halloween party the other night dressed as Abby from NCIS, my lab coat from CVS really came in handy (no I didn’t turn it in when I quit) (photo behind the cut)

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On Tuesday the girls in my office and I started Weight Watchers. I was very excited but I found that I had been eating less than my daily allotment of points beforehand and I feel gross eating more now (kind of seems counter-productive, if you ask me). Though I’m only 2 pounds from being 2 points less a day, I still can’t manage to eat all those damn points a day! One of those coworkers and I went to the gym tonight and I am bushed. I didn’t feel like going anyway because I’m so freaking tired! I don’t know what is wrong with me! (though part of me says I’m just not eating enough - and I do need to listen to my points, lol). And I’m at a horrible stage in my weight loss because the first thing I lose is my chubby face, so my cheeks are a little hollowed out and under my eyes is hollowed out and I feel ugly. Add to that fact that my undereyes are completely purple from lack of sleep - and it makes me feel ten times worse!!

I also was going to work on a little bit of my novel tonight but I am just beat. I was also thinking of changing it from first person to third person but am not too sure. Does anyone have a preference of either of them? I personally prefer third person so I don’t know why I decided to write this in the other form. And I’m happy because I am exactly at 10,000 words (which is a first for me!)

I had so much more to write but am too tired to do so - I’m going to try to catch some early shut eye.

The drive to the school on Monday was so difficult. I wound up getting out of work late and the drive from work to school is at least 15 minutes on a good day. The people on the road on Monday were like, stop and go and then I had this one moron in front of me that thought it was clever to weave in and out of traffic doing eighty. I’m surprised he didn’t get in (or cause) an accident. The parkinglot was absolutely packed, which was a little surprising. I didn’t really realize just how many people are in school. My class was pretty full and I know that everyone has just one of those people in their class that they’d like to smack. The one in this class was about 28, blonde out of a bottle, who just wouldn’t shut up. After completing the first class I realized just what class I was in. It was like special ed of math courses. At least it’s going to be an easy grade (seriously people, by the time Monday’s class was over, we had learned whole numbers, number lines and how to add and subtract minus a calculator).

Tuesdays class was my English Comp and damn I love that class already. We wound up reading several passages from different books that the Professor felt were good examples of descriptive essays. Everyone in the class enjoyed a passage from Fight Club but I’m sorry, I felt that it was a weak passage. I felt that the use of the word “you” was what created that feeling. I don’t really enjoy books that call out to the readers by the use of the word “you,” I feel that a book should draw the reader in without the use of the word by creating enough of a description. Basically I don’t enjoy being told what I’m hearing or what the smell is, I want you to create the scene and let me make the choice on if I want to visualize it. Draw me in with words, not by force.

Can I also tell you how much I dislike having to stand up in class to say my name and little things about myself? They always sound lame! “Hi! My name is Jamie and I’m a Certified Pharmacy Technician for an insurance company during the day and I’m in school because I’d like to become an English Teacher.” I could feel the other peoples eyes on me practically screaming “Lamie Jamie.” And out of the 30 people in that class seventeen (yes, 17) people were in school to get their RN degree. Which is what prompted me to say (very lamely mind you) that I’d like to be an English Teacher. Who knows maybe I’ll go for my Masters degree instead of just Bachelors.

Wednesdays class was just as frustrating as the one from Monday. Though the lady who wouldn’t shut up on Monday must have taken a Xanax or something because she didn’t say a word and left the class in a daze. I was uncomfortable because I was still wearing my high heels and dress clothes from work and it was ungodly hot in there. As a matter of fact the professor actually had to stop class early because she had an asthma attack and had to leave. I wound up having 2 chapters of homework to do (woohoo….long division by hand…so very hard! kidding). I did the homework on Thursday so I wouldn’t have to deal with it on my three day weekend.

Thursday night was the perfect night for a bike ride - so ride I did. I wound up riding the entire mile and a half to get out onto the main thoroughfare (those of you who know Suncoast of Florida should know exactly which road I’m talking about!) I didn’t really know if it’s legal in the state of Florida to ride a bike on a sidewalk (as it turns out it is, I just googled the Florida Bike Laws), but I was not taking chances the other night by riding on the main street that has no bike path. These drivers down here do about sixty five on residental streets and I was not going to get clipped by one of these people. The ride was actually relatively uneventful and quite nice. I didn’t realize that there were so many ponds around where I live here. I also saw a flock of wild Quaker Parrots and enjoyed watching them squabble on the ground with each other.

And I totally rocked at the electronic bowling last night when I went out with my Sister. We’re too lazy to go to the actual lanes so we wound up going to her favorite hangout place and playing a game of bowling. I beat my high score (not telling what it is, because it’s still quite bad!) I would have done a shot with them (my favorite is Parrot Bay) but I was driving and I didn’t want to have any drinks with them. We busted out some moves with a little Avril (”Girlfriend” anyone?) and that was that.

Awesome food for the week: Granola topped with lowfat vanilla yogurt and fresh raspberries, blackberries and strawberries. Yum yum.
Novel update: I’m feeling a little lackluster on this. I think I may just take out the chapter placeholders and just write to write and then go back and insert the chapter places later on. I think that this is my problem!

And does anyone know of a good place for paid blog advertisements? I never have any open opportunities with PayPerPost and it’s driving me nuts.

Well, I got the price quote from her. Not as bad as the others, however, with the trainers success and her students successes I think she should be charging more. I knew it was going to be a little higher when I went on her website and saw that she was charging anywhere from $10,000 to $45,000 on her sale horses. No one spends that kind of money on a horse unless the trainer is excellent and the students that perform there are at a higher bracket than others. This isn’t just your average Hunter/Jumper barn - this was phenomenal horsemanship. Now, I could have afforded the first lesson, but the group lessons were only $10 cheaper a week and once I sat down and looked into my budget, I could see spending only the first lesson once a month and it wasn’t feasible to add in that extra $160 a month. Where was I going to pull it out of, my butt? Plus there came the “I need new boots because I don’t have my old ones,” and I realized my helmet was missing the velcro padding and I needed that (which by the way they don’t just sell the padding by itself). I needed new breeches because mine were too big (too big! too big!) So, it’s a no-go. But I’ve realized that this is just a hard time in my life and I’ll get through it. And I’m not going to give up on my dreams and someday I will have that little Roan Morab running around in a paddock behind my house. And my Greyhound will be lounging in the barn with the barncats. Just not today. Five year goal, people. It’s a five year goal

More Horse Talk and I really wouldn’t want to do Hunter/Jumpers anyway. I’m much more interested in the whole entity of being ‘one’ with the horse. Which is why I really liked the last place on the other coast that I rode at. Rose (ex-Racer) and I were ‘one in being.’ I can remember my trainer saying it was like my feet were hers and she never saw movement from me, it was like Rose just “understood” what I wanted - and that’s what makes a good Dressage rider (eventually I’ll upload a photo of me and Rose for you all). I also like Endurance, which would combine my love for trails, hiking and stuff with horses. A Morab would fit in perfectly with that (as well as Dressage). I don’t really want to compete, just be able to wake up in the morning and look out my window and see my horse out in the barn.

School Days, School days
So, I’m going to do the New Student Orientation online today for the College. At some point this weekend I need to print out my 2007 Tax returns so that I can get my FAFSA stuff. And then I have to meet with a counseller. “But Jamie you’ve been off all week!” Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t harp on me about it. This week was horrible. I didn’t have the motivation to do anything but wallow in my own self-pity. I thought about all the things I should be doing but not really doing them. I really felt sorry for myself this week, I felt alone and useless. I felt, at times, incredibly poor. But you know what? I realized that I’m not the only one with problems and my problems will go away with time. I won’t always be alone and someday maybe I’ll even meet Mr. Right. I won’t always have money problems (my life goal “If you don’t have the money to pay for it, don’t get it!” This applies to everything but a house and car). And someday, just someday, I’ll be able to have the things I want. I’m only 24 and people (and times) change.

So, Sunday, I’m going back on my diet (this week I totally went off my diet *slaps hand* Bad Jamie!) and back to eating 3 meals a day (instead of 2 meals and a dessert, lol). I only have gained a pound this week, but still. I have not gone on my daily bike ride or in the pool to do laps - I mostly sat on my butt and was on the computer or played Spyro (by the way - A Hero’s Tale? Is very, very, hard to me). But that’s what vacations are for, relaxing, right?! And sleeping in. I actually woke up at 8:00 one morning (!)

Alright, so those of you who were asking me when I was going to get off my keester and make the weight loss blog - there it is on the bottom footer called “Less of Me.” Free to join and blog about your weight loss journey. Spammers and nay-sayers will be ip banned.

So, this week was really rough. I applied for a job that offered more money than what I’m making now, but I didn’t get it. J did though and I’m happy for her…well…as happy as I can be. I really do feel sometimes that I get crapped on for things like this because I’m not outspoken enough. A lot of that, I think, has to do with the way I view myself. And right now I feel like a fat lard and sometimes a little down on myself. So that’s one of my motivations on creating “Less of Me.” I figure, if I lose weight then I’ll see myself better. I mean I kind of took this as half insult, half compliment yesterday. One of my favorite customers said “Jamie, you get prettier every time I see you!” I’m well known for wearing my hair in a bun every day - and S hated me wearing makeup - so I looked very run down. But since we’ve been broken up, I’ve colored my hair, been wearing it down and wearing makeup.

Sometimes I feel like a new person.

And next Wednesday (I’m pretty sure I have off!) I’ll be going down to the campus and signing up for classes in the Fall (providing I can get a loan). I really want to do this and I think that will help my self-esteem even more. I mean, I’ve gotten rid of so many things - this will be something positive that I do for myself. And I do have someone that I’m interested in, and I think one person is interested in me. I just don’t know if I’m quite ready to make that leap yet into the flirty girl. I mean, it’s amazing to go out and live my life and not have to worry about if he’s going to be home when I get home, or omg, I spent 5 bucks, do I have to tell him? kinda deal. Although I do miss the company, really, for us - it’s better this way.

So, anyway, if you’re curious, just click the link on the right and it will take you to Less Of Me.

Alright, so I set up on Tuesday to make a Vlog and wouldn’t you know my stupid camera freaking conks out on me? I have had nothing but problems with this camera since I recieved it as a gift for Christmas this year. I love photography, and I someday want to get a Nikon D40x, or a Digital Rebel XTi. It’s been a hobby of mine and I know that someday when I have children, I will have a photo for just about every part of their life *blush.* So, anyway, I call the camera company up (who shall remain nameless, I do not want to give out bad publicity), and they tell me that they will be happy to fix it for me under my warranty. Good. Now, this camera has had problems since day one. Sometimes it wouldn’t turn on, it would freeze continuously - they only setting it did okay on was “Food” which I thought was an odd choice for a picture setting. It did take great photos, but I’d like to think that I had a hand in that. So, I’m shipping it out tomorrow to get fixed.

Today was a good day. I was really bummed out yesterday because I thought I did really well on this job assessment test for a company (they use the test to screen people). I can generally type between 75-100 wpm and most of this test was a typing test. My friend, J, who also applied got a call back. I’m so bummed - it was a good job and I could have started to pay back more of my debt, like I’d like to. But you know what, maybe it was Divine Intervention. If I got this job, perhaps I wouldn’t have gone back to school in the Fall. Who knows - but obviously I wasn’t supposed to get this job, or else they would have called me back.

I am also happy because I seem to maintaining this weight I’m at right now. It’s lower than it was a few weeks ago and although I don’t think I’ll get to my next goal by June 8, that’s not really a problem - because I know I’m doing my best and it will come off in due time. Tonight is gym night and I am going to split my routine up in segments - Warm Up/Yoga type deal, then about 20 minutes on the elliptical, 15 on the treadmill, and about 10 or 15 minutes on the weight machine.

This weekend, I’ve got to pack up some stuff that I had in my dresser drawers so I can put it up in the attic. I am not looking forward to this. I would just like one day off, you know?