Okay, I haven’t been able to say anything up to this point because I hadn’t told my job yet, and I didn’t want it to be a shock (and it would have made me look bad) in case they had happened to come across this website. So…my good news is, I just was hired at a new company and I start on the 18th! I’ll still be doing my pharmacy tech stuff, but it’s for an insurance company and I’m really, really, excited. It will be a great increase in pay (which is what I was one of the things I was looking for). The Pharmacist herself reminded me of one of the friends I have, she was super nice. I got a call back from HR today because I had had questions on the insurance and the dress code (I just wanted a clarification).

I finally get to dress up to go to work, heh. I know that sounds insanely stupid, but yeah, I’ve always had to adhere to a crummy old uniform. I actually bought a pantsuit yesterday, I really wanted a pinstripe, but this one is solid black. It’s super cute too (if you could call a suit cute). It’s black wide-legged slacks with a cuff (not to be confused with a hem, this is turned outward) at the bottom, the blouse is white button down with an awesome collar and the jacket is also black, long sleeved and shoulder padded (which I will remove, thank you very much). With this suit, I bought a pair of high heels that strap around the ankle - totally me. Even my Mother agreed, which is pretty sweet. The second outfit I purchased has a wide flaired leg, kind of creamy mocha. The top is awesome too - V neck with a criss cross in front and a 3 foot tie in the back.

It’s like I’m starting over - completely over. Wiping away my past and creating a totally new Jamie. It’s a little scary to think that everything I have done is my past, and everything that I’m working for - I mean really working for, is just going to make me, me. I’m going to be twenty-five this year. Twenty-Five! I feel like I wasted so much precious time, thinking things were going to turn out differently.

The College has my transcripts and now I’m just waiting for the Financial Aid to be finished. I need to buy my books but can’t until I have the money (which will have to be this week, in all honesty). I wish that things were going more smoothly and I wish I hadn’t procrastinated so much at the beginning of the summer. Oh well, I can’t fix it now!

My cousins wedding is in November and she’s having her bridal shower sometime in September - I can’t be there (as much as I’d like to!) but I haven’t seen her since I was 21, and that was only for a few random days while she was on vacation down here. I don’t particularly feel close to her, but I am very happy for her and her Fiancé. I do feel a tad bit jealous that everyone around me seem to be in these great relationships. But I know that I’m not ready to get into a relationship yet, I want to do so many more things before I even attempt to get in a relationship with someone else! i want to get myself at least halfway through school, go on vacations with friends, become just a general success in life. I don’t want to tie myself down to anyone.

I was emailed this question the other day and I thought I’d post it.
You seem so much different than you used to appear online. Do you think your ex has a direct influence on how you see relationships and life in general?
Well, my life with S was no walk in the park, to be honest with you. We were only happy for about the first six months. I started to really hate my relationship when we went on Vacation that first year. He made me feel like any time spent away from him was wrong - even if it was spent with family. He made me feel like I was beneath him, like a servant. The answer to your question is “you’re halfway right.” He did have a direct influence on my life and it was in a very indirect way. After getting out of my relationship with him and seeing how he could still use things against me to hurt me even more (the dog, not paying the electric in my name etc) I really realized that I simply didn’t want to be that way anymore. I really didn’t. It was the result of those feelings that pushed me to go to school and pushed me to find a new job. I realized that I don’t need anyone else to make me whole.