I don’t often have them, those days that just creep by. I couldn’t sleep Friday night and woke up often. I knew that yesterday was going to be a bummer even though the week I had last week rocked. It only hits me somedays, usually when I go out with a group of people and they all have somebody. I try not to let it get to me - because I don’t really need somebody but it would be nice if somebody just looked my way.

I cleaned out my car, found an old photograph of me and S when we were in NYC, during happier times; though not the greatest of times…it was early on in the relationship and I thought I had our whole lives together. That bummed me out, so I cleaned harder. (I’m one of those I’m upset so I have to clean everything people.) I got my oil changed in the Zuki and stupidly I did not check the bill when I left. They charged me for 6 quarts of oil and gave me almost a whole carton of oil that they didn’t use. I have been short on cash (three weeks between paychecks is a little hard!) so I opted for the cheaper, WalMart brand of oil. I guess they get comission on the other brand and the guy was pissed that I didn’t take it; and because I’m a girl they get away with these things. It’s neither here nor there, but I’m an honest person….I just wish the rest of the world saw everything through rose colored glasses like I do.

I came home and read Firefly Beach. It was a great book about the tortured lives of two people, starting from grade school who finally wind up with each other some thirty years later. A hopeless romance story with a happy ending and I couldn’t help but wonder when it would be my turn. I was always everyone’s friend and nobody’s crush. I was the innocent, the wide-eyed doe. The one everyone loved as a friend and who couldn’t bare to hurt me if “something happened.” I still have the dress I was going to wear to one of my friends proms, the year he was a senior. He called me a few days before to tell me that he wasn’t going, and then years later I found out (from him) that he went with his high school sweetheart, who he is still madly chasing. She’s alluring, beautiful the kind of girl who lost all that babyfat and turned into a beautiful swan.
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The drive to the school on Monday was so difficult. I wound up getting out of work late and the drive from work to school is at least 15 minutes on a good day. The people on the road on Monday were like, stop and go and then I had this one moron in front of me that thought it was clever to weave in and out of traffic doing eighty. I’m surprised he didn’t get in (or cause) an accident. The parkinglot was absolutely packed, which was a little surprising. I didn’t really realize just how many people are in school. My class was pretty full and I know that everyone has just one of those people in their class that they’d like to smack. The one in this class was about 28, blonde out of a bottle, who just wouldn’t shut up. After completing the first class I realized just what class I was in. It was like special ed of math courses. At least it’s going to be an easy grade (seriously people, by the time Monday’s class was over, we had learned whole numbers, number lines and how to add and subtract minus a calculator).

Tuesdays class was my English Comp and damn I love that class already. We wound up reading several passages from different books that the Professor felt were good examples of descriptive essays. Everyone in the class enjoyed a passage from Fight Club but I’m sorry, I felt that it was a weak passage. I felt that the use of the word “you” was what created that feeling. I don’t really enjoy books that call out to the readers by the use of the word “you,” I feel that a book should draw the reader in without the use of the word by creating enough of a description. Basically I don’t enjoy being told what I’m hearing or what the smell is, I want you to create the scene and let me make the choice on if I want to visualize it. Draw me in with words, not by force.

Can I also tell you how much I dislike having to stand up in class to say my name and little things about myself? They always sound lame! “Hi! My name is Jamie and I’m a Certified Pharmacy Technician for an insurance company during the day and I’m in school because I’d like to become an English Teacher.” I could feel the other peoples eyes on me practically screaming “Lamie Jamie.” And out of the 30 people in that class seventeen (yes, 17) people were in school to get their RN degree. Which is what prompted me to say (very lamely mind you) that I’d like to be an English Teacher. Who knows maybe I’ll go for my Masters degree instead of just Bachelors.

Wednesdays class was just as frustrating as the one from Monday. Though the lady who wouldn’t shut up on Monday must have taken a Xanax or something because she didn’t say a word and left the class in a daze. I was uncomfortable because I was still wearing my high heels and dress clothes from work and it was ungodly hot in there. As a matter of fact the professor actually had to stop class early because she had an asthma attack and had to leave. I wound up having 2 chapters of homework to do (woohoo….long division by hand…so very hard! kidding). I did the homework on Thursday so I wouldn’t have to deal with it on my three day weekend.

Thursday night was the perfect night for a bike ride - so ride I did. I wound up riding the entire mile and a half to get out onto the main thoroughfare (those of you who know Suncoast of Florida should know exactly which road I’m talking about!) I didn’t really know if it’s legal in the state of Florida to ride a bike on a sidewalk (as it turns out it is, I just googled the Florida Bike Laws), but I was not taking chances the other night by riding on the main street that has no bike path. These drivers down here do about sixty five on residental streets and I was not going to get clipped by one of these people. The ride was actually relatively uneventful and quite nice. I didn’t realize that there were so many ponds around where I live here. I also saw a flock of wild Quaker Parrots and enjoyed watching them squabble on the ground with each other.

And I totally rocked at the electronic bowling last night when I went out with my Sister. We’re too lazy to go to the actual lanes so we wound up going to her favorite hangout place and playing a game of bowling. I beat my high score (not telling what it is, because it’s still quite bad!) I would have done a shot with them (my favorite is Parrot Bay) but I was driving and I didn’t want to have any drinks with them. We busted out some moves with a little Avril (”Girlfriend” anyone?) and that was that.

Awesome food for the week: Granola topped with lowfat vanilla yogurt and fresh raspberries, blackberries and strawberries. Yum yum.
Novel update: I’m feeling a little lackluster on this. I think I may just take out the chapter placeholders and just write to write and then go back and insert the chapter places later on. I think that this is my problem!

And does anyone know of a good place for paid blog advertisements? I never have any open opportunities with PayPerPost and it’s driving me nuts.

Sorry I haven’t been posting more, it just seems that life gets in the way of blogging lately. It’s really weird, now that I’m unattached that I have less time than I had before! I absolutely love my new job. I love the people I’m working with and to be able to function in another position as a pharmacy tech, which by the way, is so completely 180 degrees away from what I was doing at the retail Pharmacy. It’s just so different! All the girls in my office are on weight watchers, so if I were to bring in a Big Mac for lunch, I’d really feel guilty! Which is better for me because now I won’t feel so out of place eating fruit or a small sandwhich.

The week(end) in review:
On Friday my family and I went out and tried a new (to us) Pizza place. Every place we go seems to think that serving us pizza that is so burnt it could be used for a frisbee is acceptable. This place had enjoyable pizza, not the best I’ve had, but not the worst. On the way out one of the customers from my old job grabbed me by the arm and asked me how I was doing. It always amazes me to see people shocked to see me outside of that job. I am a person, you know!

After that I wound up going to my sister and brother-in-laws favorite hangout place. We wound up playing a round of virtual bowling (yippee! I got an 86! - not kidding). We made plans to go out to the roller skating rink on Saturday, but only if they had regular skates.

Me: I don’t know if I could use rollerblades
Sister: I totally know what you’re saying - we’d be like the pride of the 80’s, those who can’t skate with rollerblades
Me: Are they even called rollerblades anymore? And we’ll totally be the lamest ones there, you know, the only ones with four wheels
Sister: Jame - they all have four wheels
Me: -laughing- I know, but you know what I mean
Sister: Yeah
Me: I’d totally fall flat on my butt on those. I might need those ones that you tie on for little kids.
Sister: I’d be right there with you! -laughing-
Me: -laughing-
Sister: -laughing- [b-i-l] could come with us…-laughing-
Me: I could get him a tutu and fairy wings and he could wear the little pink ones

At my last comment we simply could not take it anymore and spent the next five minutes laughing hysterically picturing my brother-in-law prancing around on the old beaten up skates in a tutu and fairy wings. We had come up with a whole bunch of other things to laugh about, but this was indeed the funniest. We wound up not going because the rink was only open until 6pm on Saturday (what the heck, yo?). Later on I realized that the skating rink at night probably housed a ton of middle schoolers and we’d stick out like sore thumbs - this makes me laugh even more.

I also could not stand my hair recently. It was so long that the ends of it were sitting right at my hips. While I enjoy long hair, by hair doesn’t like being so long. I was getting tons of breakage and my hair was so thin and I had a crown of frizzies along my hairline do to the strands that had broken, regrowing and the ends were frazzled but my roots were dull and yucky. I was frustrated and felt like I was always having a “bad hair day.” So I got my hair cut. I told the woman I wanted something that was wash and wear, the style had to fit my face and work with curly hair. She gave me layers and also suggested a product called “Beyond the Zone: Noodle Head” and I went out and bought it at Sally’s last night. I wasn’t quite sure if it was mousse like or like gel, and how I needed to apply it. I took a shower and went with it. Tomorrow I’ll know that I need to start at the ends and work up towards the roots. I love the smell of the combo between the conditioner and the product. It kind of smells a little like coconut.

I finally got my financial aid! Yessss. I start school tomorrow and I’m really nervous. My sister and I went down to the campus to check out where our classes were going to be. My sister is a semester ahead of me (maybe 2 semesters, I don’t remember when she went back), so her classes were different than mine. I still have no idea who my English Comp professor is so I can’t drop the class and go into one that I know everyone likes. It’s way too late for that now. I should have changed my math class though, everyone who has had this professor says that they don’t like them. Procrastinators never win, people. And on the way home, we were discussing this car in front of us (I think it was a Lexus or something).

Me: That reminds me of those ugly Landrovers.
Sister: Yeah, but I like that
B-i-L: At least it wouldn’t be a purple Neon.
Me: Hey, I liked my Neon.
B-i-L: makes neon sound like a car revving up.
Me: Hey, I graduated. I now drive a shoe shaped car.
Sister: - says nothing -
B-i-L: Yeah….big step.
Me: My car isn’t quite cool enough. It’s like a Reebok, people secretly love them ’cause they’re like super-cool and comfy, but isn’t as cool like, you know, like Nike.

Again, peels of laughter, hi fives all around. And by the way, my car really is nicknamed “Reebok” and has been since day one. That’s right. I am cool enough for the Reeboks - ha!

Wow, almost (if not all) of my paycheck is gone. I had to buy some more new blouses for my new job and wasn’t expecting my bill to be quite that much. I also went online to see my class schedule and to see if my English Professor had been announced yet, but still says “TBA.” I needed to get my books for my math class anyway; it was way expensive for them bundled and I didn’t realize until today I had the option of buying the two of the books seperately. So, I went online and found them seperate and spent about half of what the bundled book cost. But still! It’s so expensive (especially since my loan hasn’t come in yet!)

The payment for my classes is due by the 18th (tomorrow!) and because my loan has not been processed, packaged and been available, I also had to put 25% of the class(es) down so that I wouldn’t be dropped from the classes because the loan hasn’t been processed and packaged yet. I now have until October 23rd to come up with the remaining balance - and hopefully the loan will be ready by then, or else this first semester is totally on me. I really wish that someone had explained to me in the way beginning that the FAFSA does not seek out loans, but only grants that you qualify for and that loans are completely seperate entities. And yes, after standing in line for an hour and a half on Thursday, I finally did get to talk to someone which is how I found out all of these things.

Friday was a pretty sad day for me. One of my coworkers gave me a cake and I wound up crying (I’m such a softy!) I recieved hugs from just about everyone - and that made me cry all over again. Who would have thought I could have been so attached to these people? I am really going to miss some of my favorite customers, and even as much as I complain about one of the ladies there, she is the one I will miss the most. I am excited for tomorrow, but a little nervous too. I’m worried that I won’t fit in or be up to par with what they want. I hope that I’ve gotten the right clothes and the right styles; and I hope I look the part.But I think that everyone feels that way before their first day, right? I know that if I just put my head to it, I know that I will succeed!

People have called me crazy recently for starting a new job and starting college all within 2 weeks of each other. Yes, I do think I am a little crazy, but I think that I can handle this; actually I know I can! These were things I needed to do and wanted to do. I need to create a better vision of myself and see myself differently and this is how I’m going to do it. People can either choose to like me or choose not to like me, but the only person that really matters in all of this is myself. I’ll be able to financially get back on my feet and that is one thing I’m really looking forward to!

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I stole this from Melissa and Claudia.

8 things I must accomplish before I die:

1. I have to agree with Melissa and Jen on this one. Travel. The two countries I’d love to visit are the UK and Canada, and a few states I’d like to visit are: Alaska, Maine, Vermont and Tennessee.

2. Get out of debt! (self-explanatory)

3. Actually finish a novel. The one I’m working on right now I’m at 9,000 words but I just keep on pushing it away. I want to finish this novel.

4. Lose weight. I am not happy about my weight and now that I’ll actually be able to sit down and have a lunch break at my new job (instead of eating on the go) I’ll be able to eat healthier things. Don’t you know that the most unhealthy things for you are things you can just grab and go?!

5. Get my Bachelors degree. I still can’t decide if I want to become a Teacher (as someone said, English Teachers are a dime a dozen) or if I want to become a Registered Nurse. Either way, I want to get my Bachelors, maybe even my Masters some day. The ultimate way to bring self-confidence.

6. I’d love to go to the Superbowl or Football game - and if I was able, I’d bring my Dad too! I think that the one thing my Dad has given me is the love of the Chicago Bears (awwww).

7. Meet Mr. Right. Though I’m not ready now, eventually I will be and I hope that everything I’ve gone through will make the experience of meeting Mr. Right be all the more sweeter.

8. Eventually (not now, and I know that there are people that are going to go “omg!”) but I’d really like to eventually have a dog; or someday if/when Birdeo is no longer with me (*sniff, sniff* He’s about 8 years old now), I’d love to have either a Whiteface Cinnamon Pearl Pied Cockatiel* or a Quaker Parrot.**

I tag: you internets!

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I’ve got this song stuck in my head, it kind of of fits how I’m feeling right now. I got an email from jerkface a few days ago that he wanted to “get rid” of the cat I we handfed as a two-week old. He was a rescue as his mother died when he was just 2 weeks old, and I had driven across the state to the old city I used to live in (near Daytona Beach) and brought him home. I fed him every 2 hours (around the clock). He will be 3 on my birthday (October 04) this year. So, since Thursday evening I have been trying to make arrangements to get all of his cats away from him because I do not want to deal with him anymore. So, last night he emailed me back that he decided to “keep” Kimber and that he wanted to make arrangements for me to see him and to see me. Drop. Dead. I have no want, desire or any reason to even want to see him. Besides, he’s got his girlfriend and her two kids and he made his choices and it took me a good five minutes of staring at my screen to just hit “Block Sender.” It was a really hard move because I just wiped away whatever knowledge I would have had over Kimber away. I guess it’s better that way, that way I’ll just never know.

My Folks and I were coming back from breakfast and church this morning and we were about to make a left-hand turn to get onto the street where one of the grocery stores is; and around here newspaper vendors sell the newspapers on every major intersection. We were about 4 or 5 cars away from the light when the car in front of us when we notice one of the two teenagers is acting awfully odd. The kid in the backseat kept opening and closing his door, opening and closing his door. Suddenly, the driver puts the car in reverse and then in drive and starts to make his way slowly into the oncoming traffic, then decides he doesn’t want to do that, so he puts the car in reverse and backs up a little bit and leaves it in reverse. The light changes, thankfully the guy didn’t slam on the gas, or he would have totally hit my Dads car…but instead the kid realizes its in reverse and changes it to drive and pulls up along side the newspaper stack. All of the sudden the guy jumps out of the backseat and makes a beeline towards the sellers stack of newspapers and his bookbag. He jumps back in the car and the driver flees through the red light. I thought the kid had grabbed some of the newspapers, but my Dad flags down the seller and tells him that they stole his bookbag. About a fifteen minutes to a half hour later as we were making our way back home, the seller had managed to have the police arrive and we tell the officer what we saw.

What the heck is wrong with people nowadays? What makes one person think that they are better than other person or think that they deserve something? No one owes anyone anything. That’s like the poor family that was murdered in China before the Olympics; how insane. I don’t care if you are American, Canadian, English, Danish or whatever - it’s wrong to take the life of another person. It’s wrong to take something that doesn’t belong to you, whether it’s a life or bag or money. I just don’t understand anyone anymore.

On a more positive note, I sent in my Stafford Loan application and I’m eagerly waiting for the response. It kind of stinks that I made too much money last year to qualify for a grant. I also sent away for some scholarships, but I’m a little too late on the deadline, maybe for next year. Heh. I just can’t get over the fact that I “made too much” money last year; I would have gladly shown them my refrigerator, or my gas tank - then you tell me who made too much. Now it’s off to search for textbooks!
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