I don’t often have them, those days that just creep by. I couldn’t sleep Friday night and woke up often. I knew that yesterday was going to be a bummer even though the week I had last week rocked. It only hits me somedays, usually when I go out with a group of people and they all have somebody. I try not to let it get to me – because I don’t really need somebody but it would be nice if somebody just looked my way.

I cleaned out my car, found an old photograph of me and S when we were in NYC, during happier times; though not the greatest of times…it was early on in the relationship and I thought I had our whole lives together. That bummed me out, so I cleaned harder. (I’m one of those I’m upset so I have to clean everything people.) I got my oil changed in the Zuki and stupidly I did not check the bill when I left. They charged me for 6 quarts of oil and gave me almost a whole carton of oil that they didn’t use. I have been short on cash (three weeks between paychecks is a little hard!) so I opted for the cheaper, WalMart brand of oil. I guess they get comission on the other brand and the guy was pissed that I didn’t take it; and because I’m a girl they get away with these things. It’s neither here nor there, but I’m an honest person….I just wish the rest of the world saw everything through rose colored glasses like I do.

I came home and read Firefly Beach. It was a great book about the tortured lives of two people, starting from grade school who finally wind up with each other some thirty years later. A hopeless romance story with a happy ending and I couldn’t help but wonder when it would be my turn. I was always everyone’s friend and nobody’s crush. I was the innocent, the wide-eyed doe. The one everyone loved as a friend and who couldn’t bare to hurt me if “something happened.” I still have the dress I was going to wear to one of my friends proms, the year he was a senior. He called me a few days before to tell me that he wasn’t going, and then years later I found out (from him) that he went with his high school sweetheart, who he is still madly chasing. She’s alluring, beautiful the kind of girl who lost all that babyfat and turned into a beautiful swan.
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