So, I just spent the last hour and a half reading Marley and Me by John Grogan and I wish I had not gotten to the end. This was an incredibly powerful story and told brilliantly and I am definitely going to see the movie. The Marley in the book reminds me of my sisters goofy Lab (also named Marley, no doubt because of this book). I mean the real life Marley is one of those dogs where you could throw his ball and it would bounce off his head and he’d watch it bounce away and then it hits him that “Gee. I should have caught that!”

So, Keegan is officially up in Ohio with the Rescue and the official vet report is: Entropion (inward rolling of the eyelids) and Sebhorrea (basically eczema of the skin) are her ailments and there was nothing I did to her and nothing I could have done to cure the skin condition, it is incurable. And the things I was doing when I was with her were helping, not harming her. The fact that he didn’t put the creams on her after I left aggrevated the skin and made it 10x worse. Entropion is basically cause by excess skin that allows the eyelids to curve in. Surgery is usually done by tacking the eyelids or removing excess skin to prevent the movement of the eyelids from rolling inwards. Again, this is something that could not be prevented and she’s had both since birth - however, the first time I took her to the vet, the vet should have noticed it and maybe we could have made a payment plan for this (it’s an expensive surgery). And as far as the skin goes, that vet only treated her for a yeast infection of the skin and did not treat the cause (the sebhorrea). The combination of these things to fix will run into the thousands of dollars range and Keegan will simply get better with time. And she couldn’t be in a better place.

And as for me? Each new day brings a little wisdom, a little bit of good cheer and a little bit of comfort to know that it will get better. Being an animal person is who I am and this does not change anything for me. I simply wasn’t financially prepared for a dog at that time and did the best I could. I wasn’t in a good relationship (even though I thought at the time it would last forever) and I know now that someday things will be different. If not tomorrow then maybe next month. And if not next month, maybe six months from now. Who knows, maybe on Wednesday I’ll hit the Lotto and can pay off my bills and buy my own place and pay my own way through college. If I never get married, so be it, I don’t need anyone else to make me whole. But starting this past Friday I have set a 2 and a 5 year goal. I’m going to put away at least 20 bucks a week for a downpayment on an apartment or townhouse and 10 bucks a week for “Greyhound Cash.” And in five years I should have my Teaching degree and will be even more financially stable and able to afford what I want.

I have learned, though, that one should never judge someone else. I wish I had learned that lesson a lot sooner, too. Some of the nicest people you’ll meet may not dress in Hollister, or maybe they do - you never know until you truly can say “I know that person.” Knowing someone and knowing of someone are two different things with two totally different meanings. I’ve been judged a lot this past week, some were happy with me and some were not. I’ve realized that those who come to judge feel that there is some aspect of their own life that they don’t like and see it in someone else and project their own hate and disgust for the situation onto the other person. Those who pose opinionated questions (and you want a horse and a greyhound????) feel that they have right to step into someone elses life because don’t you know, the whole world is a microphone? These are the people that cast stones at other and surely must live in glass houses. These are the people that have to keep up with the Joneses because don’t you know Mr. Jones just got a new Mercedes with his raise (but what they don’t know is that he’s got 2 mortgages on his house and his wife is having an affair). My point is, is if you don’t know the whole story, you should take a step back and analyze things.

Where one door closes another opens.

The last week has been such an eye opener for me. You know, I spent the last four years saying “Why me?” But you know what, I could have been saying “Just for you…” There are so many things I have learned over the last week that will stay with me forever.

1) You never know what you have until it’s gone. I had Keegan and I loved her and did the best I could. Now that she is on her way to her new life, I know that I could have done things a little differently back then. To hear someone else gush about what a good girl she is, that’s the little dog I remember.

2) Those who can forgive you, truly are keepers. Those who pass judgement on others, and find fault with others are merely focusing on aspects of their own life that they choose not to see. For instance, she wears pretty clothes, she must be self centered. To another person, maybe they give themselves treats and you can’t do that and it makes you sad. But even when you make a mistake - and those “friends” who harp on you about them and tell you that you did something wrong - not your friends. The true friends are those who let you make mistakes without a word and then help you back up when you fail.

3) Instead of buying that $20 pizza when you have a whole bunch of food at home, why not donate that money to the Red Cross, or The Smile Train, or a dog rescue. There are so many ways that you can give - it’s not even funny. Even just donating 10 minutes of your time to help an older person in the grocery store that can’t find something - even if you don’t work there - is good for the soul, and something that they’ll remember always.

4) Rescue a pet instead of buying one. They are truly grateful for the experience and I will tell you I will never buy another dog again. I used to harp on making sure you get a dog with a good background - but seriously, what does it matter? If your dog Gigi has a five champion pedigree, and she’s spayed and she is your garbage theif, what does it matter that her Grandfather was Multi BIS Ch. Doggy Dog the Third NAJ TDX RA CGC TDI? A dog at the shelter sleeps on concrete. A dog at the shelter might have gotten beaten, starved, kicked and dumped. They are lonely and will appreciate your love and kindness much more.

5) Splurge on the name brand. If most of the time you buy Toastee-O’s instead of of Cheerios, give yourself a pat on the back and a treat. Buy the name brand at least once a month just because you can. Self-Empowerment rocks.

6) Kick the loser to the curb. If your Man/Woman treats you like garbage, and you know it…get out! There is no reason for someone to treat another person like they are worthless. And its even in the little things, taking the last bit of food out of the pot when you’re starving, hogging the remote control because you pick “lousy” shows, throwing their laundry on the floor and telling you that you should know “whats dirty.” Kick their butt out! You are worth something to somebody and no one, and I mean no one has a right to treat you like that! The person you are meant to be with will never make you cry and if they do they’ll do everything to make it right!

7) Smile at a stranger. They might think your crazy, but maybe they’ll pass the smile along. Who knows, maybe they had a really bad day and seeing a smile is the best gift someone could give them.

Tell someone you love them. Tell them you love them every day to make sure that they know, because you’ll never know when it will be too late.

Okay, so here’s the scoop. The people who behaved that way over the weekend are getting reprimanded. Turns out that they should have turned her over to me on day 1. She got deamed “totally adoptable” today - both health-wise and personality-wise. Her skin is clearing up (just like I said it would!) and her eyes are getting better.

On Wednesday I will get to pick her up from the shelter and I will meet someone from the Florida Cocker Rescue who will board her until she gets transported up to Ohio to the Cherished Cockers rescue. Once she’s there she’ll get surgery for her cataracts and continue to get her medicine for her skin. There are already people in line to adopt her and I couldn’t be happier. If they only love her half as much as me, then she’ll be all set!

They had redone the pre-test for the Placement Exam online at the college I’m going to. The old test was just regular radio buttons, the new test is flash or java (I can’t decide which one I want to say it is). There was one question that said 7/20= and their answer was 36.156, but this was not an answer on the multiple choice. The choices were 0.035, 0.858, 0.35 or 3.5. That makes me kind of mad because it did not say to choose the closest answer, it just said “choose the correct answer.”

Regardless, I will either way have to take math over (pre-college math, probably by about a semester and a half) and the reading/english I will more than likely (about 95% likely) get into English I (college level). My sister and I are hoping to get into a class or two together. She said that I could probably take Humanities with her (though I don’t know if they would let me). Later on I’m going to stop by the Advisors office and I really hope they do not make me take my test today because I will totally flunk the math part of the test. I doubt they will because they still need my transcripts from my high school and the other college.

Oy. I’ve got to go and get my little sticks of instant death today (joy) so maybe I’ll go after that.

Well, I got the price quote from her. Not as bad as the others, however, with the trainers success and her students successes I think she should be charging more. I knew it was going to be a little higher when I went on her website and saw that she was charging anywhere from $10,000 to $45,000 on her sale horses. No one spends that kind of money on a horse unless the trainer is excellent and the students that perform there are at a higher bracket than others. This isn’t just your average Hunter/Jumper barn - this was phenomenal horsemanship. Now, I could have afforded the first lesson, but the group lessons were only $10 cheaper a week and once I sat down and looked into my budget, I could see spending only the first lesson once a month and it wasn’t feasible to add in that extra $160 a month. Where was I going to pull it out of, my butt? Plus there came the “I need new boots because I don’t have my old ones,” and I realized my helmet was missing the velcro padding and I needed that (which by the way they don’t just sell the padding by itself). I needed new breeches because mine were too big (too big! too big!) So, it’s a no-go. But I’ve realized that this is just a hard time in my life and I’ll get through it. And I’m not going to give up on my dreams and someday I will have that little Roan Morab running around in a paddock behind my house. And my Greyhound will be lounging in the barn with the barncats. Just not today. Five year goal, people. It’s a five year goal

More Horse Talk and I really wouldn’t want to do Hunter/Jumpers anyway. I’m much more interested in the whole entity of being ‘one’ with the horse. Which is why I really liked the last place on the other coast that I rode at. Rose (ex-Racer) and I were ‘one in being.’ I can remember my trainer saying it was like my feet were hers and she never saw movement from me, it was like Rose just “understood” what I wanted - and that’s what makes a good Dressage rider (eventually I’ll upload a photo of me and Rose for you all). I also like Endurance, which would combine my love for trails, hiking and stuff with horses. A Morab would fit in perfectly with that (as well as Dressage). I don’t really want to compete, just be able to wake up in the morning and look out my window and see my horse out in the barn.

School Days, School days
So, I’m going to do the New Student Orientation online today for the College. At some point this weekend I need to print out my 2007 Tax returns so that I can get my FAFSA stuff. And then I have to meet with a counseller. “But Jamie you’ve been off all week!” Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t harp on me about it. This week was horrible. I didn’t have the motivation to do anything but wallow in my own self-pity. I thought about all the things I should be doing but not really doing them. I really felt sorry for myself this week, I felt alone and useless. I felt, at times, incredibly poor. But you know what? I realized that I’m not the only one with problems and my problems will go away with time. I won’t always be alone and someday maybe I’ll even meet Mr. Right. I won’t always have money problems (my life goal “If you don’t have the money to pay for it, don’t get it!” This applies to everything but a house and car). And someday, just someday, I’ll be able to have the things I want. I’m only 24 and people (and times) change.

So, Sunday, I’m going back on my diet (this week I totally went off my diet *slaps hand* Bad Jamie!) and back to eating 3 meals a day (instead of 2 meals and a dessert, lol). I only have gained a pound this week, but still. I have not gone on my daily bike ride or in the pool to do laps - I mostly sat on my butt and was on the computer or played Spyro (by the way - A Hero’s Tale? Is very, very, hard to me). But that’s what vacations are for, relaxing, right?! And sleeping in. I actually woke up at 8:00 one morning (!)

Alright, for those of you who haven’t been reading my blog for a long time, might not know that I used to ride horses. I started out at 13 just doing basic things, learning to keep my heels down, chin up, tacking up. Walking, trotting etc. We moved that year and the next time I had gotten on a horse, I was 17. I started riding Hunt Seat equitation (non-jumpers) under a lady who I did not get along with. It had been forever since I had been in a saddle, and I still, to this day, do not think her horses should have been considered “beginner-safe.” One ran me into the fence (I had a bruise on my knee all the way down my leg), another was so difficult, that even she could not get him to perform.

I stopped riding with her because of that and went to another farm. The first day there I met AJ, a beautiful Warmblood that I really fell in love with. The trainer was pretty good, though her child kept running around the ring. AJ was pretty much bombproof and didn’t really care - but it was too much of a distraction for me. She told me that I had a nice seat and a nice handset and she thought I was ready to lease my own horse - and she suggested AJ. I felt pressured to lease him and it took the fun out of it for me, so I left her farm after only 2 lessons.

I went about 6 months before I found another stable I could ride at. This one was brand new (even the barn had just been constructed!) The owner had worked it out with the trainer, that the trainer could use her facilities and her horses for lessons, in exchange for free training for herself. I absolutely loved this barn. It was exactly what I was looking for. I rode a huge Thoroughbred mare (female) and we did basic dressage etc. I was heartbroken when I moved away from there. I learned so much from that trainer, moreso than any other place I had ridden at. She too had told me that I had a great seat and a nice handset. I actually had almost bought one of the owners yearlings named Cashmere. He was a Morab (Morgan Arabian cross) and a beautiful, beautiful, Strawberry Roan - she thought he might grey out of it, but wasn’t too sure. He would have been perfect for me. Even at a year old he was calm, even tempered. I really wished I had bought him.

Over on this coast after I started dating S, I took him with me to a stable where I tried my hand at Western. I rode a Morgan named Bear (that’s me with Bear about 3 1/2 years ago). The trainer was so surprised at how well I did that after just one lesson he wanted to move me up to the more advanced class so that I could learn Cantering and work on some Western Pleasure. S hated it. He hated the smell, the horseflies. And he never liked me to do anything without him, so again I gave it up.

One of the perks of me moving out, and one of the things I kept thinking to myself to get myself excited about being single was “Finding a farm to ride at!” So, down the road from me is a Hunter/Jumper facility that I emailed to get a price quote. Every other place around here wants outrageous amounts of money to do lessons. They also want a contract for a set amount of lessons (some wanted the money all up front for like an 18 week time frame at $40-$60 a lesson). So, I’m hoping this place gets back to me and it’s something I can work into my budget. The most important thing for me is to pay off my bills (and I’m getting there!) but it shouldn’t be all work and no play.

Since all my friends have moved on to bigger and better jobs or just cut ties with me because they didn’t want to talk to either one of us anymore, I feel like this would be a good step for me. Get out, meet people who share my interests. Getting some exercise, horse bonding is always good for the soul. And College starts in August, where I can study and meet more people. This just feels right and I hope it works out for me. I’m not looking to go into major competition - I’m looking for something to do with my time that I enjoy.

And if this just doesn’t work out, then I’ll know that horses aren’t in my future and just to give up. I have always wanted a farm with horses. The white picket fences, the smell of leather and horses. I can just picture it in my head, my [future] Greyhound jogging alongside my [future] horse and me. It’s a pretty sweet picture and I hope that this works out for me!