Alright, so those of you who were asking me when I was going to get off my keester and make the weight loss blog - there it is on the bottom footer called “Less of Me.” Free to join and blog about your weight loss journey. Spammers and nay-sayers will be ip banned.

So, this week was really rough. I applied for a job that offered more money than what I’m making now, but I didn’t get it. J did though and I’m happy for her…well…as happy as I can be. I really do feel sometimes that I get crapped on for things like this because I’m not outspoken enough. A lot of that, I think, has to do with the way I view myself. And right now I feel like a fat lard and sometimes a little down on myself. So that’s one of my motivations on creating “Less of Me.” I figure, if I lose weight then I’ll see myself better. I mean I kind of took this as half insult, half compliment yesterday. One of my favorite customers said “Jamie, you get prettier every time I see you!” I’m well known for wearing my hair in a bun every day - and S hated me wearing makeup - so I looked very run down. But since we’ve been broken up, I’ve colored my hair, been wearing it down and wearing makeup.

Sometimes I feel like a new person.

And next Wednesday (I’m pretty sure I have off!) I’ll be going down to the campus and signing up for classes in the Fall (providing I can get a loan). I really want to do this and I think that will help my self-esteem even more. I mean, I’ve gotten rid of so many things - this will be something positive that I do for myself. And I do have someone that I’m interested in, and I think one person is interested in me. I just don’t know if I’m quite ready to make that leap yet into the flirty girl. I mean, it’s amazing to go out and live my life and not have to worry about if he’s going to be home when I get home, or omg, I spent 5 bucks, do I have to tell him? kinda deal. Although I do miss the company, really, for us - it’s better this way.

So, anyway, if you’re curious, just click the link on the right and it will take you to Less Of Me.

Alright, so I set up on Tuesday to make a Vlog and wouldn’t you know my stupid camera freaking conks out on me? I have had nothing but problems with this camera since I recieved it as a gift for Christmas this year. I love photography, and I someday want to get a Nikon D40x, or a Digital Rebel XTi. It’s been a hobby of mine and I know that someday when I have children, I will have a photo for just about every part of their life *blush.* So, anyway, I call the camera company up (who shall remain nameless, I do not want to give out bad publicity), and they tell me that they will be happy to fix it for me under my warranty. Good. Now, this camera has had problems since day one. Sometimes it wouldn’t turn on, it would freeze continuously - they only setting it did okay on was “Food” which I thought was an odd choice for a picture setting. It did take great photos, but I’d like to think that I had a hand in that. So, I’m shipping it out tomorrow to get fixed.

Today was a good day. I was really bummed out yesterday because I thought I did really well on this job assessment test for a company (they use the test to screen people). I can generally type between 75-100 wpm and most of this test was a typing test. My friend, J, who also applied got a call back. I’m so bummed - it was a good job and I could have started to pay back more of my debt, like I’d like to. But you know what, maybe it was Divine Intervention. If I got this job, perhaps I wouldn’t have gone back to school in the Fall. Who knows - but obviously I wasn’t supposed to get this job, or else they would have called me back.

I am also happy because I seem to maintaining this weight I’m at right now. It’s lower than it was a few weeks ago and although I don’t think I’ll get to my next goal by June 8, that’s not really a problem - because I know I’m doing my best and it will come off in due time. Tonight is gym night and I am going to split my routine up in segments - Warm Up/Yoga type deal, then about 20 minutes on the elliptical, 15 on the treadmill, and about 10 or 15 minutes on the weight machine.

This weekend, I’ve got to pack up some stuff that I had in my dresser drawers so I can put it up in the attic. I am not looking forward to this. I would just like one day off, you know?

So, today I decided that I had like 1 pair of work pants that fit me and all of my shirts are either hand-me-downs or way out of style (or a little bit of both). I had enough! The last time I was able to really go out and buy anything was about 3 years ago. I never had enough money to go out and do the things I wanted or to get the things I needed. I wanted to get the most for my money, so we wound up going to Target (big mistake), Ross and Marshalls. I got some dressy clothes, a whole bunch of capris and regular shirts to wear to work (other than the color red) and I spent only about a hundred. I did feel guilty when I bought the stuff today, because I felt like I shouldn’t buy myself anything, like I should be spending it all on someone else. That’s a really crappy way to feel about things.

I went back to the apartment to give S some cat food and dog food because he said he didn’t have the money to get them anything. Seriously? Then why was there a large Pizza box sitting on the dining room counter? He could have taken the twenty bucks it cost him to get that, go to Sweetbay or lord knows, Walmart, got himself some cheap t.v. dinners, breakfast and lunch food and dog and cat food. Instead of spending it on frivilous fast food that wouldn’t last a few days. Poor money management at its best.

I spent a few hours going over my collectibles with a toothbrush and a Qtip, bronze and glass cleaner. I didn’t clean any moving parts of the carousel horses or anything, just the outside. I should have cleaned them last Christmas (I usually clean them about every 6 months or so), but I just didn’t. I had to reorganize them anyway as they were packed in boxes from the move. It went pretty smoothly, although one of my angels did lose her bird because I’m stupid and she fell out of my hands halfway onto the carpet, and halfway onto the cement floor of the garage. It’s nothing a little superglue won’t fix. A lot of my stuff is from the late 80s, early 90s. I was surprised - most of my collectible horses are copyrighted 1986, 1988 or thereabouts. I wanted to see if I could find any more online or something, but unfortunately I can’t make out the names of the companies. I’m also a little surprised that my 5 year old self managed not to break any of them. I remember when I was 7, I put them in my bedroom (my Mother had them downstairs at one point) and I put them on my highest shelf in my room, above my desk. I used to gleefully announce to all of my childhood friends “Those are not toys - we can not play with those.” I was such a twerp, lol.

Oh well, I’ve got to vacuum in here right at the moment. I might do a vlog at the end of the week or around Wednesday, I am not too sure yet.

So, you have somehow stumbled across my page and thought to yourself “Wow - this would be a great person to write something nasty to.” Good for you. Unfortunately for you, you’ve failed. You see, if $300 was my weekly allowance for anything, I most certainly would not spend it on food. But if it makes you feel better to insult someone because of your insecurities, I’m so glad that I could help. You see, I’m happy with the way I am, and I’m happy with the way my life is going - so there is no need to try to be rude because of your inadequacies. I’m sorry that your life is so miserable, that you feel that you should take it out on others. Perhaps you should visit a Doctor about your “problems.” There are medications that can help you overcome these.

Thanks for the comment!

Thank you, US Treasury for my Stimulus check. I was not expecting that much, but thank you. At least 1/4 of it is going into a new savings account and the rest is going to pay bills, and if that helps out the economy, you’re welcome. And you have proved to me, that yet again, S lied to me. Not about getting it, but at how much he got. He made twice as much as me and there was no way that he got less than I did. If I was feeling sorry for him not having money and leaving him behind, this made me angry enough to not feel sorry anymore. Once a liar, always a liar.

So, I did 3/4 mile on the treadmill yesterday morning and then crunches, pushups and lunges. Last night I did a mile on the treadmill and I went for a bike ride. Tonight I’ve got to move more stuff, so that better be burning calories or I’ll be po’d. I have about 25 pounds I’d like to lose before November. I’d still be considered overweight (not obese), but at least I’d be closer to my weight for my height (140). My next goal though, is to lose about 9 pounds by June 9. I think I can do that! Especially since I’m cooking for one, it will be nice. I’ve gotten a few ideas from Sparkpeople.com that I can’t wait to try. And since I’ve basically taken over my parents George Foreman, I don’t think it will be too hard to do a chicken breast with some grilled veggies on the side. Maybe I’ll do Kabobs or something tonight. If anyone wants to share ideas, you’re more than welcome to! I should be creating the Weightloss blog later on this week. Please post a comment here if you’d like to join.

Now it’s off to work I go. Hi, ho. Hi, ho.

It has been an emotional rollercoaster. I have been angry, depressed, giddy and all things in between. I have realized that I am so happy to be single. So happy that I do not have to listen to him, or hear him make me feel like I am worthless. He might not have intended for his words to do that to me, but they did. I have realized that I have self-worth and someday somebody will see that in me and be head over heals for me. When that day comes I’ll be in a better place emotionally and spiritually.

We went down to Brighthouse to change the cable out of my name and into his. It was originally supposed to be that I paid half of the Cable and Electric, but I offered payment for the Brighthouse yesterday. And if the Electric company does a name transfer, that’d be awesome because then it really would not be in my name and I’m not responsible. I just want to wipe my hands clean and have it be over. We spent at least 30 minutes arguing about his stupid laptop and how I had to stay and help him get it hooked up to the cable modem. I finally shouted “It’s not my responsibility anymore!” and left, with close in hand. Do you realize how good it felt to say that I was not obligated to hear him complain to me that I had to help him while he sat on his butt and did nothing? Do you realize how happy that made me? I promised him I would help him clean up the apartment. That, to me, means that I will pack up my things and get them out and help him throw away what isn’t wanted. It is not me getting on my hands and knees and scrubbing the floor while he sits and watches t.v. He just does not get this concept.

I have thrown away clothes that no longer fit me, and have been sitting in bags or boxes for the last 3 years. He says I have done nothing. I might not be the super, bestest cleaner in the entire world. But I get the job done. More so than he has ever done. I can fix toilets (while he watches), I’ve fixed a leaky pipe, cleaned out shower drain, steam cleaned the carpets over the last 3 years and when he vacuums the world must stop and say “Good Job.” Right, that ain’t happening. And so, if he wants to spend 4 hours on the phone with his friends then he can figure out how to work his new modem and Vonage and leave me alone.

And someday, he’ll look back and realize what he had when he had it and be sorry that he ever lost it.