Bathing-suit shopping. Need I say more? Oh, but I will. How awful is bathing-suit shopping?! Seriously, I looked through the racks and see these itty bitty, teeny weeny bathing suits (which would probably only cover one of my boobs) and kept moving up through the rows. Then I see my size with a big sign that says “CLEARANCE” with an arrow pointing directly at my size. Oh, joy. That just makes ME feel a whole lot better. So I grab three suits (horizontal stripe, vertical stripe and flowers). So you undo that hook, and turn around and lift that strap there, and then you’re supposed to magically take that first hook and wrap it around your neck and down the back and try to latch it to the other side. Um, no. I don’t like complicated things.

So, I am standing out in the aisle in a suit with all my extra gellato (heh, it’s sounds better then cellulite, right?) hanging out and I’m saying “Ma, does this make me look fat?” and she’s all like “Noo, but I don’t like the stripes going that way,” and I was like “Well, I know I’m fat, but seriously Ma, stripes don’t help it.” As we were leaving some strange woman runs up to me and hugs me with tears in her eyes. She gasps.

“I heard what you said, honey, about being fat.” and she goes on to tell me about how she was an obese child and how she never had friends. Then she went and worked hard and lost her weight (she was a size 0 now). She was all like “Your future husband will love you just the way you are, don’t change. Love yourself.” Then she gave me the peace sign and walked into the stall to try on her size 0 jeans. My mother and I laughed our asses off.

So, I wound up going to I want to say Marshalls or Ross and I found the cutest tankini. The top is blue paisley with brown bottoms. I was going to go for the ultra nice blue wide striped tankini but I liked the paisley better. It has only one strap (yay for me!) and I was dead set on following my diet, but then came along Pizza Hut and Dairy Queen and pfft. Yeah, like I’m going to pass up a slice of Supreme Pan Pizza and a freaking Blizzard. Yeah, okay. I’ll just actually do some sit ups tonight to work on my abs. Hey, if I can just loose one inch around my waist by the 9th, I’ll be a happy bitch.